her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
