Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
