oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
