There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
