I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
