hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Someone signed my nipple.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
