at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
