i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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