I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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