Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
