my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
