i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
