i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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