We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
