Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
