I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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