my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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