Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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