Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
