There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
