When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
