1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
