If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
