I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
