When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
