are you so shy because you have an std?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
