guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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