A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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