you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
