I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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