this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
