He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
