if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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