Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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