every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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