Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
