she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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