guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
