A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
