I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
