Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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