nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
