omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
