My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
