At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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