Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
