lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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