I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Found the puke drawer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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