You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
