how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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