doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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